tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445356236275505074.post8980987242546555727..comments2022-11-02T19:02:26.093-07:00Comments on The Elusive Muse: Origins IIIJacobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17480086826917741770noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445356236275505074.post-1521175417083659372011-08-01T08:47:10.359-07:002011-08-01T08:47:10.359-07:00I like the Z name but any name that ends in "...I like the Z name but any name that ends in "i" makes me think of a girl's name. A boy's name would end with 'O' or a non-vowel. But, I like the idea of a Z name.<br /><br />Your writing is rough but good. You are great at the back stories for characters and I could actually see Zanli standing there. However, I couldn't see the prison in my mind. I saw him in my mind in Alcatraz and I don't think that was your intention. So, more description of the area. Was it grey? Was it dark? Or was it brilliantly bright from above so as to cast shadows over faces? The cell - was it adorned with drawings, photos or graffiti? How long had he been there? Long enough to make it his own or just overnight so the cell barely looked used? <br /><br />All in all, the character story is good. Perhaps Zanli can be trying to be on the right side of the law but the "family" keeps drawing him into a life of crime, against his will, maybe???<br /><br />Nicely done and I am so proud of you for keeping this up. Any word put on a page is one more completed. Good job! <br />Love, MomAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8445356236275505074.post-40838167764097104472011-07-31T11:42:14.163-07:002011-07-31T11:42:14.163-07:00I like the name Zanli better than Zansli and it ma...I like the name Zanli better than Zansli and it manages to sound Asian without being overtly obvious like "Xanli." I agree with you on the Z thing. <br /><br />There are a few grammar things, but isn't there always? I know this is in no way final and editing it may not matter, but if it does:<br /><br />At the end of the fourth paragraph, you say "which a smooth shaved head" instead of with. And, when the guard says "see you soon Z, you'll be back soon" or something like that there are too many soons. That's one of my personal pet peeves with writing in general, damn the universe for not allowing me to use a perfectly wonderful word as many times as I see fit!<br /><br />Overall, I'm glad you are writing again. I know that although it may frustrate you, it does make you happy and it gives you something think about and fuss about instead of constantly fussing about real world people and problems. <br /><br />Keep it up!<br /><br />:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com